Friday, July 31, 2009
Walk In Bathtubs
After I consciously acknowledged that it was becoming dangerous getting in and out of the bathtub. I decided to look into the new ads I've seen for the 'Walk in Bathtub'. While researching, I found that there is a product that's MUCH less expensive out there that is exactly what I need. It is called a Bathtub Conversion kit. The center of the bath tub is cut out and replaced with a finished piece that allows one to step into the tub through the opening. Yeaaaa. It looks like the tub was made that way. However,I'm having a huge problem finding a company here in Southeast Florida that installs that particular product. I really don't want to nor need to replace my bathtub with a new tub that comes with the middle already cut out...It would cost at least twice as much. I'll keep checking around..with hopes of finding it locally.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
More New Beginnings
I usually use the local [60 cents each way] bus to my doctor's office, but because we've had so much heavy rain this week I decided to prearrange for para-transit service [$2.50 each way]. Was I ever happy that I made that choice...just before I was to be picked up the skies opened up... very heavy rain with lightning and thunder. It was raining when Ireturned.
At my first Berevement Support meeting I was disappointed becauee it was just me and the facilator. However, I was happy at today's meeting where there were 5 of us plus the facilator.. Rather than looking for another group, I look forward to getting together with this group. It was interesting.. one lost a mother, one lost a wife and another lost a son.
After the meeting was over I found that I have a new friend. She volunteered to drive me home and as we talked, we found we have a number of interests in common.
At my first Berevement Support meeting I was disappointed becauee it was just me and the facilator. However, I was happy at today's meeting where there were 5 of us plus the facilator.. Rather than looking for another group, I look forward to getting together with this group. It was interesting.. one lost a mother, one lost a wife and another lost a son.
After the meeting was over I found that I have a new friend. She volunteered to drive me home and as we talked, we found we have a number of interests in common.
Monday, July 20, 2009
JULY MEDICAL CHATTER
I've been given a series of 3 epidurals every 6 months since the first of 2008. In March I had 3, which did not work,so in April, I had 3 more using different meds..they helped some. I had 3 this month which they said were 'more specific' [aka a new med]. A Pain Management Physician in a Surgical Center does the procedure. He had recently mentioned that he would like to see a medical report re the condition of my back. Over the weekend when I was filing papers, I found 3 MRI reports as well as a Bone Density report, which I took today for him to see. After reviewing them, he said that my back is really bad and he's suprised that I'm able get any pain relief.
Last week, he said that 'my back is so tight' that it is difficult to get the meds to the area where they're needed. Well, the pain during the procedure today was greater than EVER before..it made me scream. The OR staff was trying to reassure me that it was hurting so much because the meds were going where it was needed. I'm praying that they were right. Later or next week, hopefully I'll learn that they were right and not just helping me to endure the pain.
Because of the increasing negative changes I'm observing in my body, I know that in the not too distant future...I will need assistanance maintaining my mobility.. When I leave home I use my cane. I can manage inside without it because my apartment is comapct. Last month I asked my Primary Physician if there's a possibility that my insurance and/or Medicare would pay for a scooter for me. She firmly assured me they would not!! So I started to research small portable scooters. When a quarterly dividend check arrived,I decided not to reinvest it as usual...I purchased a scooter which I feel will be exactly what I will need and be happy with in the near future.
The pain doctor's comment today re my back's condition confirmed that I made a wise decision to purchase my scooter.
Last week, he said that 'my back is so tight' that it is difficult to get the meds to the area where they're needed. Well, the pain during the procedure today was greater than EVER before..it made me scream. The OR staff was trying to reassure me that it was hurting so much because the meds were going where it was needed. I'm praying that they were right. Later or next week, hopefully I'll learn that they were right and not just helping me to endure the pain.
Because of the increasing negative changes I'm observing in my body, I know that in the not too distant future...I will need assistanance maintaining my mobility.. When I leave home I use my cane. I can manage inside without it because my apartment is comapct. Last month I asked my Primary Physician if there's a possibility that my insurance and/or Medicare would pay for a scooter for me. She firmly assured me they would not!! So I started to research small portable scooters. When a quarterly dividend check arrived,I decided not to reinvest it as usual...I purchased a scooter which I feel will be exactly what I will need and be happy with in the near future.
The pain doctor's comment today re my back's condition confirmed that I made a wise decision to purchase my scooter.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I'M GLAD TO BE BACK
It's a great feeling to be back blogging again.. There have been so many times that I wanted to return to my blog but there was so much to write about that I couldn't decide where to begin.. I felt like I was about to begin in the middle of a story. I understand now that it would have been so much easier/better if I had done short blogs rather than waiting to write regular length blogs.
Meanwhile, I joined Facebook on a dare and I'm so happy that I did because I've reconnected with many of my former TWA coworkers.
You must forgive me if I seem to ramble as I try to catch up.
Yesterday I attended my first Bereavement Support meeting at the Senior Center.. Because it's summertime when people are away on vacation and/or just have other things to do, the usual number of attendees did not show up. It gave me the opportunity to bond with the facilator. It's not my first support group, and I expect this one will be a lot different, but in what way I'm not sure.
Meanwhile, I joined Facebook on a dare and I'm so happy that I did because I've reconnected with many of my former TWA coworkers.
You must forgive me if I seem to ramble as I try to catch up.
Yesterday I attended my first Bereavement Support meeting at the Senior Center.. Because it's summertime when people are away on vacation and/or just have other things to do, the usual number of attendees did not show up. It gave me the opportunity to bond with the facilator. It's not my first support group, and I expect this one will be a lot different, but in what way I'm not sure.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
WIDOWHOOD
Since becoming a widow I've become more introspective... I've learned things about myself…such as that we somehow manage to do what we gotta do and do things that we never thought we could do.. It makes me feel sort of like a 'survivor'.
I‘ve always been a people watcher, I notice behavior and mannerisms like never before. It's as if I'm looking at the world through someone else's eyes, which I find to be neither good nor bad, but different and interesting.
Have not joined a bereavement group yet and only a couple of widows have discussed widowhood with me because I've been so busy trying to get my life back on track.
After spending so much time on the phone dealing with companies such as phone companies, banks, etc. their employees made me wonder, if I were connected to the customer service or the customer hassle department. I don't think it was personal. I think they treat all callers the same...with rudeness and indifference.
Subconsciously I’ve always felt protected and safe, but much to my surprise and dismay...with my Hero gone...for the first time that I can ever remember, I feel vulnerable, even though my Daughter and Grand daughter are living with me.
I‘ve always been a people watcher, I notice behavior and mannerisms like never before. It's as if I'm looking at the world through someone else's eyes, which I find to be neither good nor bad, but different and interesting.
Have not joined a bereavement group yet and only a couple of widows have discussed widowhood with me because I've been so busy trying to get my life back on track.
After spending so much time on the phone dealing with companies such as phone companies, banks, etc. their employees made me wonder, if I were connected to the customer service or the customer hassle department. I don't think it was personal. I think they treat all callers the same...with rudeness and indifference.
Subconsciously I’ve always felt protected and safe, but much to my surprise and dismay...with my Hero gone...for the first time that I can ever remember, I feel vulnerable, even though my Daughter and Grand daughter are living with me.
After many have suggested that I do so...I've begun journaling which I find quite similar to blogging.
Now that I'm not being driven everywhere and now ride the buses, I've had the pleasure of meeting some really nice ladies here in our community...whom I don't believe I would have met, had my circumstances not changed.Sunday, February 15, 2009
MY FIRST CRUISE ALONE
This cruise included many firsts for me... The first time I've ever been on a cruise alone; the first time I boarded a cruise ship wearing a warm sweater and jacket; my first 4 day cruise; the first time we visited only one port and the first time I was disappointed with a cruise...after many cruises since my first cruise around 1971... Murphy's Law prevailed on this cruise as it often does in my life.
I requested a wheel chair and Royal Caribbean did not have one waiting for me when I checked in.. But when it arrived, the boarding process was expedited and I was taken all the way to my cabin. It was the coldest February 5th on record for Ft Lauderdale. It was so windy and cold up on the top deck that I stayed only long enough to have someone take my picture.
Because I was not in my cabin when the fire-boat drill sounded, prior to departure, I went directly to my assigned fire-boat station which fortunately, was in a dining room (not outside in the cold). Not being a first time cruiser...I was not required to put on one of the life jackets they had for guests who did not come there from their cabins..
After dinner I went to see the show, which I couldn't actually see, it was blurry because I didn't have my 'distance' glasses, but it was no great loss.
On the turned back bed there was NO chocolate on my pillow. I went to bed early with hopes of getting up early and after breakfast finding a nice shady spot by the pool. It didn't happen.. it was overcast, still windy and cold up there...all day. No Problem...the next day would be a full day in Cozumel.
The Captain's Welcome Formal Night was different than any ever before. Free Champagne was being served all over the 5th deck..not in a large ballroom.. Pictures with the Captain were being taken near the entrance to the club, where after dinner of the 2nd seating, he would greet guests and introduce his officers.... After playing Trivia at the club where the Red Hat ladies meet, I met a couple of Red Hatters, then went to the casino and played my $20..won and lost it all back.
Next day.. I dressed to go ashore after breakfast to pick up some souvenirs. I let them take my picture, outside the ship. And started to walk down the pier when I realized that I would not be able to walk... it was TOO far. ..The ship had anchored more than a ship's length from the half way mark. No wheel chairs were available, so I went back on board and decided to spend the afternoon by the pool. NOT!!.... about noon when I got up there...there were less than a dozen people and they were gathering their belongings to leave the area. They were wearing sweats, hoodies, were wrapped in towels and holding onto their caps/hats. Off the ship it was warm and windy, but up on the pool deck it was unbelievably windy and cold.
After lunch I went to see the Ice Dancing show.. once again I didn't have my 'distance' glasses. But because it was smaller, I was able to see a little better than I could in the big theater.
On TV a George Clooney movie was shown in 5 languages, but I was never able to see it in English, the signal was too weak or the screen was blank. The CNN channel also had a weak signal most of the time but the Fox News channel was always there :( Bashing our new president.
Sunday, the last day of the cruise [day at sea] I went to an Interdenominational church service and shopped for souvenirs for my family in the shops on board. They were given gifts from Cozumel the last time we were there, so no biggy...
Usually, there are lots of sweet pastry choices at the breakfast buffet, but there were only raised donuts and they could be found in only one location. The breakfasts in the dining room were good, as they usually are. The last night's dinner menu included some of the same Entree choices that we'd been offered in the past 3 days. None of which I found to be as good as Cruise ship dinners I had in the past, except for the Tiger Shrimp. I wonder if the food differences were due to the economy or ??? This was my first 4 day cruise, I've taken 5, 7 and 10 day cruises and in the past, the food never left anything to be desired. I'll think twice before I take another cruise on RCL.
The day I returned I had a sore throat and sinus pain, I came home and stayed in bed for 3 days, the 4th day I went to the doctor, who confirmed that I had a sinus and ear infection... I felt better immediately after I began a 5 day Antibiotic therapy.
It's almost 3 months since I became a widow and I'm still trying to get my affairs in order. Some days I spend hours on the phone.. some people make promises that are not kept and when I call back there's no record that I ever called... and sometimes it happens all over again... It's really frustrating, but it's happened so many times that I'm no longer surprised when things don't happen as promised. I just keep telling my self ... And this too, shall pass.
In case you missed these before:
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/ourhero/Homepage.aspx
[This Memorial website was created initially by Toni and then by all 3 of our daughters: Pam, Toni and Colette]
http://www.youtube.com/user/cocolette8
[This one was created by our youngest daughter, Colette and her daughter Noelle]
http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLanding.action?c=6749cvu.mb9ln9y&x=0&y=xhc0w5&localeid=en_US
[This one was created by Toni, our own Mz Paparazzi. It includes Saturday, Sunday and Monday...San's birthday, the whole weekend of our Celebration of Sanford's Life]
I requested a wheel chair and Royal Caribbean did not have one waiting for me when I checked in.. But when it arrived, the boarding process was expedited and I was taken all the way to my cabin. It was the coldest February 5th on record for Ft Lauderdale. It was so windy and cold up on the top deck that I stayed only long enough to have someone take my picture.
Because I was not in my cabin when the fire-boat drill sounded, prior to departure, I went directly to my assigned fire-boat station which fortunately, was in a dining room (not outside in the cold). Not being a first time cruiser...I was not required to put on one of the life jackets they had for guests who did not come there from their cabins..
After dinner I went to see the show, which I couldn't actually see, it was blurry because I didn't have my 'distance' glasses, but it was no great loss.
On the turned back bed there was NO chocolate on my pillow. I went to bed early with hopes of getting up early and after breakfast finding a nice shady spot by the pool. It didn't happen.. it was overcast, still windy and cold up there...all day. No Problem...the next day would be a full day in Cozumel.
The Captain's Welcome Formal Night was different than any ever before. Free Champagne was being served all over the 5th deck..not in a large ballroom.. Pictures with the Captain were being taken near the entrance to the club, where after dinner of the 2nd seating, he would greet guests and introduce his officers.... After playing Trivia at the club where the Red Hat ladies meet, I met a couple of Red Hatters, then went to the casino and played my $20..won and lost it all back.
Next day.. I dressed to go ashore after breakfast to pick up some souvenirs. I let them take my picture, outside the ship. And started to walk down the pier when I realized that I would not be able to walk... it was TOO far. ..The ship had anchored more than a ship's length from the half way mark. No wheel chairs were available, so I went back on board and decided to spend the afternoon by the pool. NOT!!.... about noon when I got up there...there were less than a dozen people and they were gathering their belongings to leave the area. They were wearing sweats, hoodies, were wrapped in towels and holding onto their caps/hats. Off the ship it was warm and windy, but up on the pool deck it was unbelievably windy and cold.
After lunch I went to see the Ice Dancing show.. once again I didn't have my 'distance' glasses. But because it was smaller, I was able to see a little better than I could in the big theater.
On TV a George Clooney movie was shown in 5 languages, but I was never able to see it in English, the signal was too weak or the screen was blank. The CNN channel also had a weak signal most of the time but the Fox News channel was always there :( Bashing our new president.
Sunday, the last day of the cruise [day at sea] I went to an Interdenominational church service and shopped for souvenirs for my family in the shops on board. They were given gifts from Cozumel the last time we were there, so no biggy...
Usually, there are lots of sweet pastry choices at the breakfast buffet, but there were only raised donuts and they could be found in only one location. The breakfasts in the dining room were good, as they usually are. The last night's dinner menu included some of the same Entree choices that we'd been offered in the past 3 days. None of which I found to be as good as Cruise ship dinners I had in the past, except for the Tiger Shrimp. I wonder if the food differences were due to the economy or ??? This was my first 4 day cruise, I've taken 5, 7 and 10 day cruises and in the past, the food never left anything to be desired. I'll think twice before I take another cruise on RCL.
The day I returned I had a sore throat and sinus pain, I came home and stayed in bed for 3 days, the 4th day I went to the doctor, who confirmed that I had a sinus and ear infection... I felt better immediately after I began a 5 day Antibiotic therapy.
It's almost 3 months since I became a widow and I'm still trying to get my affairs in order. Some days I spend hours on the phone.. some people make promises that are not kept and when I call back there's no record that I ever called... and sometimes it happens all over again... It's really frustrating, but it's happened so many times that I'm no longer surprised when things don't happen as promised. I just keep telling my self ... And this too, shall pass.
In case you missed these before:
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/ourhero/Homepage.aspx
[This Memorial website was created initially by Toni and then by all 3 of our daughters: Pam, Toni and Colette]
http://www.youtube.com/user/cocolette8
[This one was created by our youngest daughter, Colette and her daughter Noelle]
http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLanding.action?c=6749cvu.mb9ln9y&x=0&y=xhc0w5&localeid=en_US
[This one was created by Toni, our own Mz Paparazzi. It includes Saturday, Sunday and Monday...San's birthday, the whole weekend of our Celebration of Sanford's Life]
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
MY NEW BEGINNING
For those of you who may have missed Sanford's Memorial web site and/or Our Celebration of Life Weekend click or copy/paste these links: http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/ourhero/Homepage.aspx
http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLanding.action?c=6749cvu.mb9ln9y&x=0&y=xhc0w5&localeid=en_US
Your messages meant more to me than you know. I'm blessed.. doing better than I would ever have imagined, IF, I had thought that my beloved Sanford would predecease me. I realize now that subconsciously I thought that he was invincible... His Mom lived to be 104 years old [he had so many of her genes], he had survived and bounced back after 5 cancers, plus 2 that returned, which I'm sure is basically the reason that I expected him to bounce back again after his last illness too. But it was not meant to be.
Monday, I embarked on my New Beginning.. I confirmed a 4 day Caribbean cruise, traveling alone. I have always needed alone time and I have not been alone for 24 hours since Sanford left us on November 16. When I acknowledged that I do need time alone I took action. My family is proud of me and they all agree that it should be good for me. Having taken so many cruises in the past and liking cruising the way I do.. there should be no problem... I'm not shy nor easily intimidated. Alone.. no one will be concerned about when or why I do or don't do whatever... I can be sociable when and/or if I wish. I'll have my MP3 player and some good books. Later this summer we plan, God willing, to take another family cruise... Our first and last one was in 2005.
I do hope the weather hasn't been treating you as badly as I've seen on TV.
You know why it was so cold on Inauguration day, right? Because the white people said it would be a cold day in hell before a black becomes president!
The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything.. they just make the best of everything they have.
http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLanding.action?c=6749cvu.mb9ln9y&x=0&y=xhc0w5&localeid=en_US
Your messages meant more to me than you know. I'm blessed.. doing better than I would ever have imagined, IF, I had thought that my beloved Sanford would predecease me. I realize now that subconsciously I thought that he was invincible... His Mom lived to be 104 years old [he had so many of her genes], he had survived and bounced back after 5 cancers, plus 2 that returned, which I'm sure is basically the reason that I expected him to bounce back again after his last illness too. But it was not meant to be.
Monday, I embarked on my New Beginning.. I confirmed a 4 day Caribbean cruise, traveling alone. I have always needed alone time and I have not been alone for 24 hours since Sanford left us on November 16. When I acknowledged that I do need time alone I took action. My family is proud of me and they all agree that it should be good for me. Having taken so many cruises in the past and liking cruising the way I do.. there should be no problem... I'm not shy nor easily intimidated. Alone.. no one will be concerned about when or why I do or don't do whatever... I can be sociable when and/or if I wish. I'll have my MP3 player and some good books. Later this summer we plan, God willing, to take another family cruise... Our first and last one was in 2005.
I do hope the weather hasn't been treating you as badly as I've seen on TV.
You know why it was so cold on Inauguration day, right? Because the white people said it would be a cold day in hell before a black becomes president!
The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything.. they just make the best of everything they have.
Friday, January 2, 2009
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Happy New Year!!! My wish for you is that 2009 is one of the the best years of your life!
I expect it definitely will be one of the most challenging years of my life. But with the grace of God, I will face the future as I know Sanford would want me to.
There was so much I felt I needed to say and now that I'm here, the words won't come. Honestly, there are no words to truly express how thankful I am to all of you for your loving support and the kindness you showed me during the sadest days of my life.
I am aware of just how blessed I am to have such a loving family and caring friends. Toni, Risse, Jese and Kari came from Atlanta to spend Christmas with Colette, Noelle and me. God bless them...during the holidays, they really helped to fill the vacum left by Sanford.
When Donald passed away in 2007, I was so impressed and proud of how strong Pam was and how well she handled becoming a widow. I told her then, "You are so strong. I want to be like you when I grow up". As she was leaving to return home to Atlanta in December, she said to me "Mommy, you are grown up now and you ARE strong!!". We have a rare role reversal here... My Daughter is my role model.... She has reinforced my belief that I can and will make it alone.
When Donald passed away in 2007, I was so impressed and proud of how strong Pam was and how well she handled becoming a widow. I told her then, "You are so strong. I want to be like you when I grow up". As she was leaving to return home to Atlanta in December, she said to me "Mommy, you are grown up now and you ARE strong!!". We have a rare role reversal here... My Daughter is my role model.... She has reinforced my belief that I can and will make it alone.
I've lost the love of my life, but I still have my family and friends, for which I shall be forever grateful.
As was Said "Better tohave loved and lost , thannever to have loved at all"
Love y'all!!
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